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1. |
dirt
05:02
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shadows on your shoulder
and your tears burn into
you a year older
worrying.
words - you haven’t changed them
so things are still the same sheets
she’s tangled in with him.
you gave her everything she has
but no wave could make her stay
now she’s turning away
she’s turning away
all their love lives under earth
moving dirt under dirt
moving dirt under dirt
all their love lives under earth
moving dirt under dirt
moving dirt under dirt
you were feeling holy
with two rings to bind fingers
can bewitch ghostly.
nothing lessens the burn.
think you can control her
but the secret’s in the way
it’s not that you don’t know it
you choose to stay.
dancing to the moon
they dancing in tune with galaxies
lovers sleep by day, alive at night.
dancing to the moon
they dancing in tune with galaxies
lovers sleep by day, alive at night.
she says: “i look at you as my greatest escape”
he says: “come to me in a graveyard embrace”
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2. |
wasting
03:55
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oh how my life is wasting
down by the river pacing
all my scars underwater where they can’t breathe
shut what my eyes are facing
not alone but i feel it
overgrown to the ceiling
past what i wanted to learn
i’m watching a lie in the mirror
look at her turn telling herself
she’ll be just fine underwater
breathing false air forever.
i’ll leave myself behind
leave myself behind
it all goes over my head
twist what i said
i’ll fix my own tears instead
it all just goes past my mind
press rewind
turn me back to an easier time
an easier time
easier time
oh how my life is wasting
my empty hands keep chasing
all my dreams down an ocean where they can’t see
show me the life i’m craving
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3. |
grandmother
02:35
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my grandmother sings all alone,
sitting with a wooden spoon.
her hand holds a lonely cane,
she knows she’s never safe.
her fingers in my hair too long,
then i feel her gone.
now i feel her gone.
her red hair knows all the answers,
she reveals the truth.
so i lay my eyes on answers,
all the dark secrets she spills from her youth.
her nightgown glows by candlelight,
stories open at midnight.
stories open at midnight.
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4. |
cut
03:56
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clear you cut
through the voice.
you sell words
just like a choice.
they tell you each night your eyes stand back.
they are the leaves that fall to your track
and you say: “baby i don’t care what’s in your heart,
when you left hours ago.
all i really want is your body,
not to feel so alone.
all i really want is to use your arms.
so let’s lie down tonight and never again
yeah yeah let’s be ours tonight and never again.”
clear you cut
through the night.
after bed
you just take flight.
it’s a hollow feeling hiding you’re alone
seeking love-illusions.
empty exchanges with all the men you undress
after awhile they become the same
within yourself you become estranged.
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5. |
sigh feat. Ari Hest
04:37
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don’t say it’s too late
with your hands i see you lie
over our heartache
if i walk at least i tried.
if only we could be young strangers again
starting from zero, new to pretend
that nothing could happen
for us the world would bend.
but we can’t go back untried
for our loss - not you nor i
hear her breathe tender and sigh
in your eyes i see disguise
don’t say she’s over
over years she was our world
those years now sober
i can only see her in your eyes.
without her our walls are bare
feeling her fade we stare
i’m just not breathing air
i’m just not breathing air.
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6. |
silent
03:34
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oh my
i’ve done it again:
silent are my hands.
oh my
on me the same
he breathes heavy as the rest.
i thought that he’d know not to go further when i didn’t show
i thought it’d make sense to look at myself through another lens, but
silent is my mind
silent is my mind
fingers untie lines.
oh my
narrow his eyes
he thinks all bodies are his.
oh my
something in me dies
his face of stone turns mine to ice.
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7. |
unmistakably
04:32
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unmistakably
try not to show
the pain within you as it grows.
you search remedies
your body leads
but no one knows where to begin.
inside you still fly
you ask white coats why // your body won’t comply
you can’t take another step,
they force you to breathe,
run your body through machines
inexplicably
you come from a land where you don’t know how to cry
you make other plans than to try and figure out why
and you say: “oh i don’t know how to make it out”
and you say you won’t let go, you don’t know how to make it out
make it out
your days are waiting hours forever now.
you begin to wonder: are you out of your mind?
out of your mind
consequently
you learn to fight
perhaps they will pay attention now.
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8. |
see
03:03
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oh i know it’s more that i’m after
than stories of you,
you’d make a great statue in laughter
set in morning dew.
slowly i quiver at your gate
to all these men you’re the master.
sermons carry the weight,
in your novel
you’re the enchanter.
see all the blood
that’s run for you,
is that what you want?
rivers cover desert sand,
red runs down the rock
is it what you want?
is it what you want?
isn’t it?
they stand at the start of your ladder
looking up to you
to spin your words into daggers
without that you knew.
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9. |
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maybe you’re unsure,
always insecure.
you can’t make up your mind
whether to love or fly.
maybe if you think it through and sigh
use your intuition and then reply.
you feel know it all but
oh oh oh you think you’re ready but you don’t know
oh oh oh you feel you know it all but you don’t show
think why you’re always looking back
you can’t sit still as a matter of fact
maybe you need time
to be more inclined.
you can’t see past today
with thoughts in disarray.
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10. |
sun
03:32
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you rise in the sky
why must you break our intimate silence?
with each ray the night
is over and i should get up
through my windows and my curtains
you call on us but why can’t you awaken
children late for school or men for work
dreamers breaking rules
but please spare the lovers from your light
your light, your light
(leave the lovers in the night)
time - the drummer’s beat’s too steady
it should listen to our hearts
i have the power over you, sun
i could close my eyes but then i wouldn’t see him
cause all the beauty lies next to me
he is my something
can’t you awaken
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11. |
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sent from a girl that i once loved,
letter was empty, her pen untouched.
my hands caught around the envelope
as if not to let go.
long hair in the grass, toes in the sand.
you learned to think and i to stand.
the swing carried us far from here,
to distant places without fear.
from up here
i can break stars with just my thumb.
from up here
none of the houses stand straight,
and no one’s eyes can say: “you don’t belong”
cause we were love-stained and infinitely strong.
wait, were we love-stained or were we wrong?
we drive winding roads, watch the sun rise
neither of us in disguise.
i feel the corners of my mouth
reach out for my eyes.
i’m fine just as long as you’re not gone.
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12. |
wind
03:12
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i know where i last saw you,
we both knew what to say.
in the wind we knew everything,
we knew everything.
in harmony we exhale
understand why.
this world weighs down
on all of our shoulders
it’s too much to feel
for us all.
in this world we sway along as best as we can
(it’s nothing that plants like you and i can just try to solve)
while the ice melts and the sun burns too strong again.
your field looked so different then,
last time our world was whole.
in the wind
all the humans came
to just burn it all.
creatures who called us home
have started to die.
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13. |
hand
04:17
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wenn es nicht mehr passt
und wir auseinanderdriften
lass ich dich lieber ziehen
lass ich dich lieber allein
wenn der wind mich treibt
heute ohne dich
lässt du mich los
lässt du mich von dir gehen
wir kennen uns nicht mehr
ich frag dich nichts
niemand spricht
ich seh kein Licht
etwas in mir bricht
wir sind nebeneinander allein
ich frag dich nichts
niemand spricht
ich seh kein Licht
etwas in mir bricht
zwei magneten ziehen uns voneinander weg andersrum als es früher war
zwei magneten ziehen uns voneinander weg andersrum als es früher war
meine hand
liegt auf deinem rücken
als ob sie dich noch braucht
als ob sie dich noch will
im dunklen wald sind wir
gemeinsam verloren
und tasten uns voran
ohne zu wissen wohin
früher war es leicht wie
schnee mit dir
wir verbrachten jeden tag
als ob‘s kein morgen gab
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14. |
turn
03:19
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you’ve got no control over what
you say darling and it starts alone
fall to your knees in disarray
i’ve got no words but i learn to pray
you haven’t got it
your heart’s mine
i’ll keep it safe here for awhile
i want you
to say that you care and you want
to live this through
and i’ll be with you here and i won’t
turn my back
no i won’t turn my back
you sing tears and burn words into
all our hearts we barley live it through
sinking through the earth alone
i run to pull you out and bring you home
don’t worry your hands and please don’t leave this world
no don’t leave this world
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15. |
am
03:07
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i want to care
to amuse you with my voice
but i don’t share.
i want to be fair
to impress you with my hands
playing beautiful things
tangled on strings
a melody bare, but
i am what i am and nothing else
i am what i am and nothing else
i wish i’d long
to show you all i’ve sung
but i don’t feel it belong.
i know you want me to
bring stories from my past
but i don’t think
they have that sweet ring
and i don’t feel like sharing.
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16. |
ungodly
03:58
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in this ungodly
time of hollow love we blind
ourselves to help the pain
you light a match and i
whisper wind inside your ear:
“what are we doing and why are we here?”
yeah, what are we doing and why are we here?
all connections end above
and ours is such - start to detach
the “you and i” now in the past
our hearts have grown to last
past each other
our hearts have grown to last past each other
what are we doing and why are we here?
what are we doing and why are we here?
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dery New York, New York
dery roams planet earth creating audio fictions about her memories, people’s lives, histories and stories from our collective consciousness. she writes and produces sonic narrative anthologies to engage listeners in a transcendent experience, intended to be listened to like a novel. you can follow dery on all social media, but please don’t follow her around new york - she wouldn’t like that! ... more
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